Stephan Ferris has never been one to hold back.
The San Francisco-based attorney, who was once known as gay porn star Blue Bailey, has been quite open about his X-rated past, even as he pursued his law degree. In his just-published memoir “Blue Movie,” Ferris bares his soul as never before.
Ferris will be in Wilton Manors Feb. 9 at Hunter’s Nightclub at 7 p.m. where he will read from “Blue Movie” as well as sign autographs, and chat with the audience.
In the book, Ferris recalls the days of his youth when he had little if any self-confidence. Sex for him became a way of being validated. He went to work for the gay porn studio Treasure Island Media, where he made films that generated huge controversies. Ferris did not practice safe sex, and he’s HIV positive.
During his time in porn, Ferris went on a downward, drug-induced spiral. His drug of choice was meth.“I lived a lot of my life using for days, sleeping for days, and then living in a state of crisis as I tried to pick up life from where I left off,” Ferris told SFGN. “Life events happened pretty fast and I didn’t have the time or the mental bandwidth to fully process moments and emotions.”
Ferris added that he found reliving those moments and writing about them therapeutically.
“The writing process was incredibly cathartic,” he said. “The reading process was a whole other animal. I anticipated people reading the book on their own, and I was ready for that. I didn’t anticipate how I would feel reading my words to a live audience in real-time. That was quite intimidating, but ultimately another opportunity to grow.”
He says that he used to worry that being so open about his porn days and his drug use might negatively impact his law career. Ferris was particularly concerned that working in porn would affect his ability to pass the moral character requirement for the bar.
“Ultimately, porn is a legal job and not a problem with the state bar in California,” he explained. “Drug use really is only a problem in my field if it’s affecting the attorney’s capacity to perform their work. Being open about my porn career and recovery likely has closed some doors for me, but it’s also opened other doors. Doors to less conservative and more queer spaces.”
Ferris’ book “Blue Movie” makes for a riveting read. It’s a no-holds-barred story that turns a gay porn star’s life into a horror show. The book is divided into 77 short chapters, each of which lets the reader get a glimpse inside Ferris’ then tortured soul. The language of the book is raw and unflinching and paints a vivid portrait of a young man’s downward spiral into a drug-induced haze.
It’s a terrifying tale, a cautionary tale, but ultimately, it’s a tale of survival, as Ferris lived to share his story. He now lives a good life. Not only is he a practicing attorney, but he’s also in a committed relationship. Ferris addressed what he hopes readers will take from the book.
“I don’t want my book to glorify drug use,” he said. “And I don’t want to preach about recovery. I want to show instead of tell. Show how drugs and chemsex pull you in, show how bad things can quickly spiral, but ultimately show that there is a way out. You can’t make anyone stop using if they don’t want to. What you can do is be a living example of another way, and that’s what I hope people will take from the book.”
Tickets to the event range from $19-89. Register at eventbrite.com.
