I only hope that everyone is safe and sound by the time they read this article. Last night a coup took place here in Wilton Manors, led by a band of community leaders who could no longer tolerate being marginalized and out of favor.
The final humiliation must have been when the City Commission voted not to reappoint John F. to his long-held committee position. Feeling de-frocked and angry, John found it easy to join forces with Celeste E., another disenfranchised face of the past, to plot their coup and establish rule once more over our fair city.
At this time. I am holed up in a bunker camouflaged as a Sewer Lift Station on NW 5th Avenue. Luckily, fellow Westsider Jon O. and I discovered this secret location a few weeks ago investigating the Lift Station after it was hit by a drunken vacation rental visitor to our welcoming city.
John and Celeste successfully convinced Jake V. to join forces, promising him his own fiefdom on the Westside. Jake supplied the muscle they needed, and with his help, they were successful in blowing up all bridges leading in and out of the city. In addition, Jake supplied the manpower to cordon off and secure Jenada Isles, placing our Mayor under house arrest and turning the isle into a prison camp.
With all the bridges out, our law enforcement personnel could not make it back into town with their take-home vehicles, and the city was left defenseless at the end of a twelve-hour shift that was lightly staffed due to a recent rash of “Blue Flu” caused by contract negotiations going sour over the 22 percent pay raise that they were demanding.
Once securing the city, the coup leaders set their sights on those who would either help them or be a risk to their plot. Mike d’O was quickly convinced to join, after being promised title to the Kiwanis Club site. Now they had control of the press and would receive favorable headlines from the Gazette, now the official newspaper of the land. Other collaborators quickly lined up for their spoils. Surprisingly though, Kate D. resisted to the end, holed up on NW 7th Ave with extensive firepower and ferocious terriers to assist with her resistance.
Now it was on to the rest of the City Commission. Julie was safely out of the city, enjoying a lovely evening on her tropical island getaway, St Croix. Justin was given time to make it to a safe house, due to John F.’s inability to find NW 30th Court, since any respectable Eastsider has not crossed Andrews Avenue in years. Tom also was able to slip through the coup’s tightening grip over the city, disguised as a bar back from Infinity Lounge, able to fool his pursuers by pretending to empty the recycle bin out back. Scott was left alone, the coup leaders knowing that he would be ready to work with whoever was in power.
Jeff H. quickly dispatched a message that he was willing to join forces with the coup. His price, a decree relieving him from having to pay the draconic fees levied on his vacation home properties.
Coup leaders quickly gave in to his demands, happy to have such a vast landowner join with their forces. Other collaborators included Nick B., owner of popular nightspots around town. After gaining assurances that his neon lights would be allowed to shine brightly up and down Wilton Drive and beyond, he quickly offered his skills at operating a large supply chain utilizing boats and planes from his experience trafficking a certain product many years prior.
Now the only thing left for the coup to succeed is to find the cash/wealth to fuel the next few weeks as they continue to secure the city and establish their new order. I heard talk that they were looking for the secret stash of wealth that the Mayor has successfully raised from his campaigns.
Good luck, as I am sure Eric already put that money to good use or has secured it somewhere outside the Jenada walls. If all else fails, the leaders can always impose a levy on the bars along Wilton Drive, other than Rumors of course, to pay coinage to the new realm so that their doors could remain open during Happy Hour and beyond.
So this may be the new Wilton Manors. Hopefully our Commissioners-in-hiding can rally the forces and take back our city. Although some residents might find the goose-stepping up and down the Drive appealing, I for one want our city back just the way it was--wonderful!!
On a more serious note, tragic news seems to be coming at us on a more and more frequent basis. Innocent bystanders are plowed down in Nice, police officers are shot dead in our cities, politicians are spewing hatred, racism, bigotry and lies, and the world is becoming a more violent place. Through all the tragedy and hate, let us carry on with a sense of humor, a bit of joy, and please don’t forget to laugh!
That’s because, life is just better here….