The Kinsey Sicks are Back

and Have Aspirations for Higher Office

That’s right, America’s original dragapella beautyshop quartet, The Kinsey Sicks, are returning to the Parker Playhouse, Feb. 21. They are rarely politically correct — especially when it comes to our nation’s leaders — and have been inspired to seek the Republican nomination for President of the United States. Their show, “Electile Dysfunction,” promises plenty of pandering and even more bluster to best the crowded primary pack.

The Mirror caught up with the girls during a whistle stop on their campaign tour and quizzed them relentlessly about their policy positions. These were the responses that were fit to print:

What are the planks in your presidential platform?

Winnie: We pledge to eradicate such rampant evils as health care, evolution, and pleasure.

What’s wrong with the other candidates’ positions?

Trixie: The other candidates don’t understand the importance of fighting global warming. If the earth’s temperature continues to rise, where will we wear our chinchillas?

Why should Republican voters choose you?

Rachel: We are the most qualified to be President because we are the least qualified to be President. We have absolutely no relevant experience whatsoever. 

If you are the nominees, what will your campaign song be?

Trampolina: Definitely “How do you solve a problem like Scalia” from “The Sound of Music.” Rodgers and Hammerstein were so ahead of their time!

For tickets to The Kinsey Sicks in “Electile Dysfunction,” go to


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