After decades spent fighting for LGBT rights in my home state of Indiana, my husband, Jerame, and I were given the best possible wedding gift last week when we said our vows in Washington, DC. The same day we were married, the Supreme Court refused to hear an appeal of the court ruling overturning Indiana’s law banning same-sex marriages. Marriage equality became the law of the land in Indiana on the day we were married.
We moved to DC four years ago when Jerame took a job with a national LGBT organization. While we love our friends and family back in the Hoosier state, we both jumped at the chance to escape the oppressive atmosphere for LGBT people that Indiana fosters. After all, Indiana is hardly the nation’s most LGBT-friendly place and DC is one of the most welcoming.
After we moved, the question started coming at his fast and hard. “Now that you live in a place where you can get married, when are you two going to take the plunge?” While we’d been together for a dozen years neither of us was in a big hurry to get hitched. After all, we’d made it that far. What difference would a piece of paper make?
Jerame’s co-workers asked him about it. When I had heart surgery, one of the nurses chastised us for not being married so he could make medical decisions if necessary. Even the couple who owns one of our favorite restaurants volunteered their back room for our reception if we’d just tie the knot. Still, we held out.
Admittedly, part of our hesitation was because although we had friends in DC when we moved here, the bulk of our friends and all of our family were back in Indiana. If we held out long enough, we reasoned, Hoosiers would see the light and we could have our ceremony surrounded by those we hold most dear.
Four years after we’d moved, we decided to take the plunge and get married on our 16th anniversary. We’d made more friends in DC we could help us celebrate and we were tired of waiting on our home state to get their act together and realize they were on the losing end of civil rights history. We made the announcement and started making plans.
Of course, it didn’t take long after that for a judge to strike down Indian’s law banning same-sex marriage recognition. Our timing was impeccable. We had to weigh out whether or not we wanted to do it in Indiana since we were going back that weekend or keep our original date that has emotional weight. We opted to wait and it was a good decision. The day before we arrived in Indiana, the courts stayed the decision and marriages had stopped.
Most of our friends from Indiana weren’t able to attend our wedding although Jerame’s mother, our daughter, and my best friend were able to be with us. With wedding prep in high gear, it was a welcome relief to find out that the Supremes had given marriage equality the go-ahead by letting the original decision stand.
Jerame and I have organized rallies and house parties, raised funds for local LGBT groups, and even interrupted a religious right gathering in support of discrimination against LGBT relationships. As we stood nose-to-nose with loving Christians screaming at us and spitting in our faces while the state police protected us from further violence, we knew that someday equality would come to Indiana, but we never imagined it would be our wedding day.
Sadly, while LGBT people can now get married in our home state, the battle isn’t over. Without any employment protections, Hoosiers can still get fired from their jobs if they put a photo of their wedding on their desk.
The fight continues. Maybe for our next anniversary, Indiana will give us another great gift: respect.
