Christmas Is Cancelled!

Word spread quickly across the land that our pugnacious leader had decreed that Christmas would be cancelled this season. No merriment and joy for all while he had to suffer the humiliation of this past week from his public squabble with Pelosi and Schumer right on his own turf at the White House. 

Adding to the fury and anger was the ongoing bad news of investigations, prison time for colleagues and the dwindling list of those willing to serve top posts within his beleaguered inner circle. 

Executive Orders have been issued and sent to the North Pole giving notice that entrance visas for Santa and his entourage of reindeer and elves have been rescinded. It’s a good thing for us that Santa was already here in Wilton Manors this past week before the travel ban was put into place. 

Santa came to town for his annual boat ride around our Island City and breakfast with our young ones. He also made a surprise visit to our City Commission meeting on Tuesday. I have to say that Ole Saint Nick looked a bit disheveled, spoke not in his usually boisterous and jolly manner, and had lost a lot of weight. His outfit looked like it never made it to the dry cleaners after last year’s travels. 

Perhaps it was due to receiving notice from the West Wing about the impending cancellation of Christmas that put the ole guy into such a state, or perhaps it was the stiff trade tariffs imposed on Chinese toys that were keeping Santa up at night, wondering how he was going to fill all those stockings hanging from mantles within budget and ensure a hard and fast delivery date on the morning of the 25th. Adding to those worries is the harsh reality of climate change that has started to affect the North Pole. Santa might just not have a lot to be jolly about this year. 

But then a Christmas miracle happened while visiting our Island City. 

The joy and happiness that Santa came across while visiting our little Island City, where life is just better, renewed his jolly spirit and filled him with holiday wonder and magic.  Mustering his elves and reindeer, they plotted and planned on how to bring Christmas to all in such dark and turbulent times. 

Top on the list was to enjoy some good dinners around town to put some girth back on the ole tummy. There were Santa sightings at Rosie’s, Tee-Jays, Wilton Creamery, The Grille, and other dining establishments around our city.  Rudolph got into some trouble as he stumbled home one night from the Alibi, and elves were spotted frolicking all over town.

The merriment began to pick up pace. Homes throughout the neighborhoods are stringing up holiday lights. Residents are coming together and enjoying holiday parties. 

Our new Mayor is showing up around town wearing his holiday lights and hat while delivering words of good cheer. The recent cold snap last week made it seem almost believable that we could dream of a white Christmas. As Santa and his helpers continue to spread their merriment and joy throughout the Island City, the magic of Christmas is alive and in full swing. The fever has spread far and wide beyond our borders. We may still have Christmas after all!

Time to turn off the news, decorate your house, bake holiday cookies, attend a party or two, and enjoy the season with family, friends and neighbors. 

Unfortunately, Santa needs to get back to the North Pole and finish the final preparations before the big day. Fearful of not being able to make it back due to the imposed travel ban, Santa has plotted his course to get back into the country through Canada, defying the no-fly orders from Washington. The assistance by Trudeau to help preserve Christmas from being extinguished by the evil forces in Washington will only add to the growing acrimony between the leaders of the two neighboring countries. 

Santa has a back-up plan in case the northern route is thwarted. The plan is to then head south to Mexico. Under the cloak of darkness on Christmas Eve, disguised as Central American migrants, Santa and his crew will slip through our porous southern border. Santa’s elves are ready with special gifts for those who have not voted to fund the great border wall that will single-handedly keep Americans safe at night nestled snug in their beds.

You can hear Santa scurrying around town as he gathers his flock and readies for departure, calling for Dancer, Prancer and Vixen. “Come along Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen” he shouts. Rudolph’s very red nose, no doubt from hitting the happy hours up and down the Drive, lights the way as he slumps in the rear of Santa’s sleigh as Donner takes the lead as the designated Reindeer this evening, leading all safely back to the North Pole. 

As Santa’s sleigh reaches past the roof tops of our Island City and flies out of sight, you can hear him shout back to us, “Merry Christmas Wilton Manors, where life is just jollier. Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”