Jane Lynch knows a thing or two about playing terrifying teachers, what with her Emmy-winning stint as cheerleading taskmaster Sue Sylvester on Glee. So it’s not that big a leap to imagine her putting on a nun’s habit and scaring the bejesus out of an orphan or two. Or three, actually, since she’s just been cast as a Mother Superior in The Three Stooges, playing the nun who takes in the titular trio as foundlings. (They’re already smacking each other in the head as infants and trying to perfect that eye-gouge move, of course.) Romeo recently reported that Sean Hayes will be playing Larry in the Farrelly Brothers reboot of the vintage slapstick shorts, and Will Sasso of S#*! My Dad Says has been cast as Curly; there ain’t no Moe yet, but there will be soon. The new incarnation of The Three Stooges is set to nyuck-nyuck-nyuck its way into theaters next year, so wait for it chowderheads.
Eva Longoria explores life Without Men
Given her marital troubles of late, one could hardly blame Eva Longoria for wanting to spend some time Without Men – and, coincidentally, that happens to be the name of her new movie, a comedy about an unnamed Latin American village and what happens to the local ladies when guerrillas take the men away to fight in a war. With Longoria as mayor, the populace learns how to clean the streets and change the bulbs on the streetlights, and eventually some of the women – Longoria’s character included – discover that other women can be even more fun between the sheets than their now-absent husbands. Without Men is slated for a July release, and Longoria heads up an impressive cast that also includes Christian Slater, Camryn Manheim, Oscar Nuñez (_The Office_), Maria Conchita Alonso and gay actor Guillermo Diaz (_Cop Out_). You haven’t seen this much girl power since the last Desperate Housewives catfight. Yes, that show is still on.
Operation: Get Cynthia Nixon another Emmy
Sex and the City’s Cynthia Nixon already snapped up a Guest Star Emmy in 2007 for her appearance as a woman with multiple personalities on NBC’s Law & Order: Special Victim’s Unit, so why not go back to the well for another by appearing on the franchise’s cousin, Criminal Intent? In the upcoming episode – in keeping with the always hilarious “ripped from the headlines” nature of crime procedural television long since strip-mined of fresh ideas – Nixon will play a loosely-translated version of visionary stage director Julie Taymor, re-named Amanda Reese. The character becomes a murder suspect alongside her musical collaborator “Arno” (see: Bono) after an actor dies on the set of technically complicated stage production not called Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark. No word on who’s playing the Bono-alike, but it should totally be Jimmy Fallon. Coming soon: an episode about a political candidate/real estate mogul/game show host with a bad combover accused of murder.
Channing Tatum returns to stripping
Now that Channing Tatum has wrapped Haywire with director Steven Soderbergh, his next project will take him back to his days as a 19-year-old male stripper. No, it’s not a remake of the Christopher Atkins-starring ’80s male-stripper drama (and unintentional comedy) One Night In Heaven. This is going to be the Channing Tatum-starring 2012 male-stripper comedy-drama Magic Mike. How will they differ? For starters, Soderbergh is postponing his threatened retirement to direct the thing and re-team with Tatum, who’ll lend an air of autobiographical realness to the project since it’s based on his own real-life experiences. It’s all underway right now and if the creative team wants a long life and legacy for the film from what is sure to be its ultimate fan base, they’d be wise to A) set it in Las Vegas, B) make sure there’s plenty of full-frontal nudity, C) give Gina Gershon lots of great dialogue and D) remember to pronounce it “Ver-SAYCE.”