My HIV Diary: Not So Fast, Week 38

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Ryan Dixon (a.k.a former porn star Kameron Scott) has started taking HIV medication. He’s keeping a diary of his experience.

Being in my mid-20’s isn’t easy, add HIV on top of that and we have one hell of a complicated life. I’m making the best out of the hand life has dealt me and the decisions I’ve made along the way. Writing helps free my mind. Hopefully these words will help you understand the plight of others like myself, and inspire you to live each and every day in the moment.

Week 37 (May 17 – May 23)

"Not so fast!"

That's exactly what I felt I was being told by the world. I'm in a bit of a pickle this week. I'm supposed to be in Atlanta but ran into some trouble with the car rental. I've never had or needed a credit card. You can't get a car without one so instead of being in Atlanta already I get to spend a few more days in Florida.

On top of that, I'm supposed to be back in Florida on June 8 for a medicine study appointment, but I have no idea how I'm going to make it back. It's cost me a lot of money to break a lease here and move to a new city. My doctor was trying to see if the study could pay for a flight or even a bus but no word on that yet. Seems like one of the fears I had of going off the meds might be coming true.

I understood that this move would come with difficulties, but I still didn't want to face them. I have a doctor already set up in Atlanta, but I'll most likely only be able to get a 60 to 90 supply of new drugs if I can't make the study appointment. After that, it's mostly like a waiting game for me to see if I'll be able to receive medication.

I have the option to stop taking medication and see how my body reacts to that. I have a friend who is eight years removed from medication and is still undetectable and has a very good CD4 count. Maybe the same could happen to me? Maybe taking these meds was the push my body needed to get back on track and fight this virus on its own.

These next months are going to prove to be crucial in my life and well being. I've rolled with the punches on the past, so let's see what I can pull off this time. Ryan Dixon