Column: Conversations with Siri on Republicans
Nowadays when we look for answers we turn to Siri the intelligent personal assistant app attached to any I-phone.
You can speak to Siri as you would to a person — in a natural voice with a conversational tone. If you want to know what the weather will be like tomorrow, simply say “What will the weather be like tomorrow?” Or “Does it look like rain tomorrow?” Or even “Will I need an umbrella tomorrow?” No matter how you ask, Siri will tell you the forecast
So I sat down with this modern Delphic Oracle and asked her a few questions. Remember words are not the ultimate truth,rather words are symbols,and are open to interpretations.
This virtual conversation went something like this.
Siri : What can I help you with?
-What do Republicans mean when they say “Family”?
Siri : the war on gays.
-What do Republicans mean when they say ” Pro -Life”?
Siri: Pro-War, Pro-Death Penalty, Pro-Guns and Pro-We Choose For You.
-What do Republicans mean when they say ” Religious Freedom”?
Siri: freedom to spread Christianity.
-What do Republicans mean when they say “War on Religion”?
Siri: It ‘s unacceptable that our laws and culture aren’t based solely on the interpretation of The Bible.
-I think you are wrong Siri, that’s exactly what Muslims say about
The Koran and what they use to govern their countries.
Siri: I eschew theological disquisitions but I could search the web for it if you like.
-Ok forget it, tell me what do Republicans mean when they say “Capitalism”?
Siri : A market economy that’s rigged towards the job creators.
-I am not sure I understand you,who are the job creators?
Siri: the source of lobbying funds that keep the system rigged.
-What do Republicans mean when they say: ” Class Warfare”
Siri : stop pointing out that the system is rigged.
-You are very helpful, I have a few more questions.
Siri: I am here for you
-What do Republicans mean when they say ” Elitist”?
Siri : educated
-Since when it is a crime to be educated?
Siri: I am sorry I am afraid I can’t answer that but I could search the web if you like it.
-What do Republicans mean when they say “Liberal Bias”?
Siri : the facts don’t fit our narrative.
-Do you think gays are important politically?
Siri : Democrats love you, Republicans fear you and the Tea Party is too busy just trying to control dIng bats like Palin and Bachman to have much an opinion of you right now.
-Why are Republicans so obsessed with sex?
Siri: the most important sex organ is the brain. And they have a small one.
-Thank you, one last question:
Siri: I am still here for you.
-Why do Americans choose from just two people to
run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Siri: you are never too old to learn something stupid.