I Am So Over Rudolph

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Sarah Palin and Bill O'Reilly (Juanita Jean and Fox News)

Really? Again? Has anybody told Bill O’Reilly and Sarah Palin that “The War on Christmas” is well beyond its use-by date?

Why come December do they have to rehash the whole silly thing with claims that any specific mention of the term “Christmas” or its religious aspects is being increasingly censored, avoided, and discouraged by a number of advertisers, retailers, government, or other public and secular organizations? Can’t they just move on and enjoy the holidays like gay guys do?

They could engage in any number of grandiose behaviors, including, and not limited to, sashaying across a beautifully decorated living room yelling like hussies, at the top of their lungs: “Oh my God can you believe these lights!” while hopping up and down with excessive theatrics. Of course not. It would be too much fun. Then I am reminded they both have a new book to plug, and it all starts making sense.

Palin’s “Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas” is inane and poorly written. Loaded with overblown rhetoric and bigotry, recycling stories about Atheists and non Christians hell bent in trying to spoil Christmas “for all” by objecting to Christian displays on public land. It is filled to capacity with satanic retailers who are using the word “Holiday” instead of the word “Christmas.”

And what should they do? Combine Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanza into a single term, HANUKWANZMAS, to avoid the awkwardly PC “Happy Holidays?” Come on Sarah. He was born. There was a manger.Get over it already. If she is sooooo concerned about the meaning of Christmas why isn’t she going after the NBA? For the sixth year in a row the league has stolen Christmas by scheduling five games to be broadcast on Dec. 25. It looks as if professional basketball has replaced family and Jesus as the core of the Holy Day. But according to her The War on Christmas is the tip of the spear in a larger battle to secularize our culture, and make true religious freedom a thing of America’s past.

O’Reilly’s aptly titled “Killing Jesus” is a book far more into glorifying Jesus than presenting honest history. It is of course biased in its presentation of “facts” and the author is more interested in proselytizing than educating. But it will sell well to the choir during the season, reinforced by the author’s tireless crusade against the alleged WOC. Whether one prays to Jesus, Mohammed or Buddha doesn’t matter to me but I remember that the charter of the Founding Fathers was to permit each to practice the religion of their choice. For pity’s sake, have this religion stay at home. Decorate that home with nativity scenes, turn it into a religious shrine with statues and crucifixes, it’s your property go right ahead; just don’t force it on me. Replace the religious inanities which you are trying to impose on the mind of your children, and those who do not share your beliefs, with sound social principles. Instead of futile prayers and meaningless seasonal greetings let them learn their responsibilities to society, teach them that happiness is

making others as fortunate as we would wish to be ourselves because the deeper the soul plunges into religious fanaticism the more it loses all sense of, and love for, reality. Too often religion is based on dissatisfaction with the real world. I know what you are thinking. I am that old man on the cartoons you watched as a kid. What’s his name? Yes, The one with the big nose, the ghosts and a little kid trailing behind him. Scrooge of course. You are absolutely wrong.

Just because I think Christmas is too invasive and pervasive? What’s not to love about commercialism, ads, TV specials, being pepper sprayed at a Walmart near you on Black Friday, opening yet another useless gift, aren’t those the spiritual origins of the sacred season?

I am sure overspending on gift baskets for people you don’t like is exactly what the baby Jesus had in mind. And let’s not forget the jingles and the Salvation Army Bells ringing in front of every mall, I much prefer Kmart’s “Joe Boxer Christmas” that features some hunky men “jingling their bells!” Oh, and those terminally annoying Christmas songs constantly spinning wherever you go. At least this year there are three new covers of some old classics to cheer us up: Speaker John Boehner’s “You Better Not Cry,” Senator Ted Cruz’s “The Little Drama Boy,” and the NSA’s “We See You When You Are Sleeping.”

Memo to Bill and Sarah: saying “Merry Christmas” doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

I will keep it simple and straight- to ya’ll: “Merry Everything, Peace and Shitloads of Joy in the New Year.”


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