You can’t get more American than mom, hot dogs and apple pie, and this weekend we celebrate the most American holiday of them all – Independence Day – which conveniently falls on a Monday, making this another long weekend.
By day, the homos will be celebrating our heritage at picnics and on the beach, but when the hot summer sun sets, they’ll be decked out in their finest red, white and blue for a weekend that would certainly make the founding fathers blush.
While the Tea Party drinks its tea, here are some of the soirees the bars and clubs of South Florida have cooked up for your weekend:
Thursday, June 30
The ladies will kick off their holiday weekend tonight in Miami Beach at MOVA Lounge, 1625 Michigan Ave. DJ Zehno is in the booth and drinks are 2-4-1 from 9 to 10 p.m. Finlandia is $5 and Miller Lite is $3 all night long.
Friday, July 1
We were never impressed with firecrackers as a kid, but we love the roman candles. For Independence Day, Boardwalk has a real one, Falcon Studios porn star Roman Heart. The hottie will be doing 2 shows a night on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. You’ll find the fireworks at 1721 N. Andrews Ave.
Saturday, July 2
The best way to cool off is to get wet and Miami nightclub Discotekka is happy to help. Get wet and sweaty late into the night and early into the morning at the city’s most popular dance club. You’ll find the party downtown at 950 NE 2nd Ave.
Johnny’s celebrates its new Miami location with The Spot, featuring DJ TProMix. Not only will you experience the best sound system in Miami, your eyes will be treated to the hottest men, all dancing for your pleasure. Johnny’s Miami is located at 62 NE 14th St.
Meanwhile, in Fort Lauderdale, Bill’s Filling Station, 2209 Wilton Drive, presents a concert by Debbie Holliday. The show starts at 11 p.m. there’s no cover. She’ll be hanging around to meet fans and sign CDs and there will be plenty of giveaways.
Sunday, July 3
Celebrate the holiday poolside at Cabana Boy, the Sunday party at Lords South Beach, the swanky gay hotel. Located at 1120 Collins Ave., Lords has become a popular destination for tourists and locals alike. While you’re there, grab a quick bite at the hotel’s hot restaurant, Cha Cha Rooster.
The Manor, 2345 Wilton Drive in Wilton Manors, is throwing a picnic T-dance today, starting at 7 p.m. and featuring Grammy-winning DJ and producer Chris Cox. This is the place to get those foot-long hot dogs, ribs and apple pie -- if you’re so inclined -- along with $12 domestic buckets.
One of the biggest parties of the weekend can be found at Dream, 1532 Washington Ave. in Miami Beach. Presented by Score Productions and Hilton Wolman, Urge will feature DJ Abel along with the hottest dancers from Europe and Brazil. Here’s your chance to show those boys how Americans celebrate their independence.
Monday, July 4
Mona’s Cocktail Lounge celebrates all day long with its annual benefit for The Pet Project. Stop by for beer-soaked, flamed broiled hot dogs, homemade potato salad and all the fixings beginning at 2 p.m. There will be drawings and prizes all day long and Toni Barone and the notorious Russell of The Stable will be running an outrageous auction at 5 p.m. Mona’s is located at 502 E. Sunrise Blvd.