Mayor of Hell, Michigan Impeached After Banning Straight People

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Photo: Twitter / @elijahdaniel

After a campaign of two days spent “calling towns asking to let me be their mayor,” YouTube comedian Elijah Daniel descended on the town of Hell in Michigan, where he was sworn into office on Wednesday August 30. But it didn’t last long.

Daniel shook hands with one of his constituents at the gates of Hell in a picture that he posted to Twitter. Two hours later, he was impeached over a ban on straight people.

Prior to Daniel’s ultimate fallout from his first and last impeachable offense, he posted an image to Twitter of the newly drafted ordinance.

"As acting mayor of Hell, Michigan I hereby ban all heterosexuals from entering our town,” he began, writing that “we want to ensure that we are not admitting into our town the very heterosexual threats we are fighting against.”

He described the threats as follows: “the straights coming into our town, procreating, having more straight children to take our rightfully gay jobs.”

Daniel modeled the terms for his ban on straights from President Trump's ban on Muslims, lifting direct passages from Trump's document and transposing "Muslims" with "heterosexuals:”

“My ban is a copy-and-paste of Trump’s Muslim ban, but with heterosexuals instead,” he told People Magazine.

Mockingly, Daniel wrote: "Growing up, I was always told that homosexuals would go to Hell, now the heterosexuals are trying to take this from us too,” adding that “our number one responsibility and priority is to protect Hell.”

“We are a compassionate town and we support the heterosexuals but it is time to reevaluate and strengthen our vetting process. And we can no longer in good conscience allow straights to enter.”

Rather than deporting heterosexuals from Hell, the ban stipulated that residents wishing to remain in Hell would be made to pay a deposit of $84,000 as a “reproductive precautionary deposit,” to be returned after “one year of abstinence from any heterosexual activities.”

In a most cutting last bit of satire, Daniel wrote:

“We will also be offering a heterosexual reparative therapy program for hetero residents who would like to denounce their heterosexuality and become gay like the rest of the town … all hetero residents who do not participate in reparative therapy will be required to wear a scarlet H and meet in the town center at 5:30 AM wearing cargo shorts every morning to be publicly straight-shamed.”

Daniel lightheartedly responded to the all-too-serious subsequent backlash that his political performance piece inspired, writing on Twitter after being impeached that “straight ppl are outraged I said they can't go to a town they didn't even know existed with a population of 72 & that's so fucking funny”

In closing, Daniel offered over Twitter, “Being impeached was fun @realDonaldTrump, you should try it.”


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