My HIV Diary Returns: Teaching while Humping

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My third major leather event of the year has yielded yet another rewarding and even sexy time for me. If you follow my Facebook page, you know that I wrote about hooking up with my first transgender man at the Cleveland Leather Annual Weekend.

Last week while in Chicago for the 36th annual International Mister Leather competition, there was this cute guy working one of the booths next to the LeatherWerks one in the market. He would walk by now and then and I would say hello in passing while lusting after him the entire time. He finally stopped by on Monday and said hello and that he was looking to buy something.

After discovering he liked sexually (it didn't take that much probing...no pun intended) we started looking at some toys. The price point was a little higher than what he wanted to spend. I jokingly offered up myself as an alternate to which he responded, "When is your break?"

I told him to be back at the booth at 1 p.m. and we'll go back to my room. After he walked away, I remembered that I forgotten to disclose my HIV status to him. I don't like doing it after we start making out and then I'm like, 'Oh, hey…by the way.' I texted him that I'm HIV positive and that we'd have to play safe. The conversation that followed turned into a teachable moment for myself.

He admitted to me that he didn't really understand what I had said and didn't know what we could do sex wise. He said he found me attractive and still wanted to "mess around" but didn't know what that all could entail. I forewent trying to explain what being undetectable means and went with just telling him that I'll wear a condom and pull out as well if he's uncomfortable.

He replied that he always uses condoms but he's never had sex with a positive person. That's the opening I needed. We're standing naked in front of my bed as he said that. I put my hand on his shoulder and replied, "Not that you know of."

I sat him down and told him about an article I wrote for SFGN in December of 2012 titled, "Everyone Has AIDS." The point that I wanted to drive home in that article is that just because a person says their negative doesn't mean you should throw all faith and trust into them.

He looked at me for a second, not saying a word. I could tell things in his head were turning but I could also tell he wasn't comfortable enough to have sex with me. I popped the age old question that got things moving forward.

"What are you into," I asked.

He quickly told what he liked…and needless to say, we had plenty of fun. But if never got as far fucking. We both had a great time. In the shower, he thanked me for being patient with him and not just ditching him after he wouldn't bottom.

I said that I hope all of you take away from this story: “You know, it's not always about fucking."

Ryan Dixon, the former Assistant Online News Editor for SFGN, is the Interactive Marketing Coordinator for LeatherWerks in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. LeatherWerks is the South East's largest leather and fetish shop catered toward gay men.


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