My HIV Diary: Turmoil in Atlanta, Week 42

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Ryan Dixon (a.k.a former porn star Kameron Scott) has started taking HIV medication. He’s keeping a diary of his experience.

Being in my mid-20’s isn’t easy, add HIV on top of that and we have one hell of a complicated life. I’m making the best out of the hand life has dealt me and the decisions I’ve made along the way. Writing helps free my mind. Hopefully these words will help you understand the plight of others like myself, and inspire you to live each and every day in the moment.

Week 42 (June 14 – June 20)

I have to admit that I struggled a lot with what to write this week. I’ve literally racked my brain to put into print what I was feeling. An internal battle was raging within me on whether or not I should put one personal item on blast. The dilemma I was having is that I’m not the only one involved in the matter. I had to take another person into consideration for once.

I don’t know what I’m feeling right now, but I think you, the readers, deserve to know that this piece you’re reading wasn’t the first one I wrote for this week. I wrote nearly 1,000 words pouring out a very personal and vulnerable situation that involved me and another person. After writing it and reading it many times, plus running it by a couple of people with knowledge of the situation, I decided to pull the original piece. I toyed with the idea that I had to abide by ethics and report the truth, but truth be told, I don’t think personal problems count. I’ve always been open and honest in writing this diary about any problem that arises, but not this time. This situation has nothing to do with my HIV-positive status.

Now that that is out of the way I do have a few things to report. The guy I had been working with at MISTER Center to get me set up with a doctor and Ryan White called me to see if anyone for the AIDS Healthcare Foundation had called me to set up an appointment yet. To my surprise, they hadn’t called me yet to which the case worker said didn’t surprise him. When he called AHF, they said they were waiting on my call. Seeing as they were 30 minutes and several bus transfers away from me, I decided to change providers and be seen at the local clinic in downtown Atlanta. That appointment was set up in just a few hours and I go in on June 24.

I did receive another bit of good news amid all the turmoil that is my life in Atlanta. I was really worried about my involvement in the medicine study, more specifically, losing my medication. I made it to my last appointment with some assistance, but I was still worried about making the next on in August. I was called and told that I would be flown in for the study when the time came, paid for by the study. I’m so thrilled I don’t have that cloud hanging over my head while I’m trying to figure out my next day in the big city.

Day by day – that’s all I can really do, right? It’s been hard to focus on work this last week when I’m more worried about me. I’m being told that people care and are concerned about me, but I really don’t feel that at this moment, especially here in Atlanta. I’ve got my chin up. I’m a resourceful kid … I’ll figure this out.


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