My HIV Diary: Releasing, Week 44

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Ryan Dixon (a.k.a former porn star Kameron Scott) has started taking HIV medication. He’s keeping a diary of his experience.

Being in my mid-20’s isn’t easy, add HIV on top of that and we have one hell of a complicated life. I’m making the best out of the hand life has dealt me and the decisions I’ve made along the way. Writing helps free my mind. Hopefully these words will help you understand the plight of others like myself, and inspire you to live each and every day in the moment.

Week 44 (June 28 – July 3)

A good stride has finally started this past week here in Atlanta. I’ve gotten the opportunity to meet some amazing people that have enabled me to let go of the angst I was harboring in my heart towards others. I did finally get to go to a doctor and my numbers are still on par with what they were from my last medicine study visit. My viral load is still undetectable and my CD4 count has actually risen to over 800 and is still at 39% saturation.

The stress I was felling the last few weeks is a product of my own doing, and I accept that. I was making myself feel like shit and that, of course, wasn’t helping the stress any. A good hard workout at the gym allowed for my physical release and just a quick session with a healer allowed for a spiritual release that was badly needed. I finally woke up with a smile on my face and joy in my heart. There’s a reason that healer is named after an angel. He was definitely a God send.

Work has been pretty steady. If nothing else, I look forward to writing this diary week. The mental release it provides has been one of the only bright spots recently. Freelancing for the first time has been a learning experience and I find myself emailing or calling journo friends to ask for advice or for help. I’ve broken down and done back to my roots – waiting tables. It was either that or be broke. On the Brightside, Starbucks wasn’t hiring. God knows I don’t want to come home smelling like coffee anymore.

I had a talk with my doctor and everything is set for me to be back in Florida at the beginning of August. I suggest everyone make plans accordingly to come see me at Alibi or Rumors one night and get me black-out drunk. It would be appreciated. After this August visit I’ll be transferring to the same study in Athens, GA. Even though it’s an hour away from me, I’ll only be going every three months while coming back with an equal month’s supply of medication.

Things are going fine. I don’t plan on returning to Florida anytime soon outside of my doctor’s visits. Atlanta is the place for me. A little patience and faith has gone a long way and will continue to do so. Ryan Dixon