Column: Dear Mr. TrumPutin

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Illustration: Donkey Hotey.

Congratulations! Up until now, it has been surprisingly easy to get to this point and I'm sure your ego is extremely happy.  You are entitled to enjoy your fifteen minutes of elation.

On the other hand, I am not that happy. But that's a different story. It's not your fault. You have taken advantage of the opportunity and, even though I cannot vouch for the IQ of those who voted for you, I respect the democratic process and wish you good luck. Now comes the hard part.

I am a law abiding, taxpaying, American citizen who happens to be both gay and an atheist.

Of course, I did not vote for you but I trust there will be room for me under your tent anyway.

You are the president of ALL Americans regardless of race, religious beliefs, gender, age, sexual orientation, or political affiliation. Right?

I consider myself a fair and balanced person. Before I start criticizing you I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and more than the one week your predecessor was allotted, to fix the broken country he inherited, which is now all yours, which by the way is in much better shape than eight years ago, no matter what the pundits or the “experts” say on Foxymoron News Network.

So I'm going to sit back, relax and let you work your magic.

I just have a few humble suggestions, of course, you can take them or leave them, but do not bitch later on if things do not work out too well and your popularity, relatively high and partisan now, plunges into the toilette. 

Do not take everything that is said about you as a personal offense. Stop sounding like a high school girl in your tweets. In fact, ditch Twitter, it makes you seem so childish and immature.

I'm not going into specific details, I'll just list some of the topics, if you did not have yet the chance to consider them, that will be sitting on your desk tomorrow and every day for the next four years at least.

Bipartisanship, education, reconciliation, war, economy, pollution, global warming, deficit, corruption, separation of church and state, terrorism abortion, gun control, poverty, healthcare, inequality, injustice, police brutality, racism, sexism, Supreme Court nominations. It is a frightening tall order to fulfill.

You have been chosen to lead the Un-united States of America, a fractured and divided country,

The only thing I ask of you, in your future speeches (if you can handle one with more than 140 words) is: try not to use the same old refrains like "the American people here, the American people there."

I have learned that politicians, on each side of the isle, do not give a damn about us little minions, we are expandable and you really think we are stupid. Your breed only cares about lining its own pockets. You all are constitutionally incapable of being honest.

So it is up to you to defy the odds. You better hope that Congress will give you the chance to work your agenda, something that was always blindly denied (often without reasons) to President Obama. But he was able to earn the respect and admiration of the world nonetheless.

He was a class act. It is up to you not to become a crass act.

Sometimes I wish I was a Republican, then I wouldn’t worry about having feelings for my fellow men.


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