Christian Rewrites 'Harry Potter' So Kids Don't 'Turn Into Witches'

Worried that reading the popular 'Harry Potter' series will turn her children into witches (because that's totally a real thing that's possible), a Christian mother has rewritten the popular books with less spells, more prayers and a straight Professor Dumbledore.

"Hello, friends! My name is Grace Ann. I'm new to this whole fan fiction thing; but recently, I've encountered a problem that I believe this is the solution to," the woman wrote on FanFiction.com. "My little ones have been asking to read the Harry Potter books; and of course I'm happy for them to be reading; but I don't want them turning into witches! So I thought.... why not make some slight changes so these books are family friendly?"

One possible reason why not to do that could be the very real threat of lawsuits from author J.K. Rowling.

Breathe Cast reports that after Parson posted a few chapters of the sanitized tome "Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles," she began receiving both support and criticism for her work. She began prefacing her chapters with an editors' note, explaining her intentions.

"Hello friends I have been getting so many lovely, thankful message from mommies everywhere; and I just want to say-thank you all for your encouragement!" she noted, "However; I have also been getting several messages saying that my story is bad because Harry Potter is not just about witches."

The UK Mirror notes that "Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles" "is almost so bad it's good."

The characters are now reportedly American, eating biscuits and gravy and wearing cowboy hats. The Dursleys argue over evolution, with Hagrid (now a lumberjack pastor) saying, "Evolution is a fairytale. You don't really believe that, do you?"

Gay character Dumbledore is now a reverend married to Minerva, who is now the school cook instead of a professor, with Hermione as their no-longer-very-smart daughter. Evil baddie Voldemort is a U.S. Congressman who is trying to stop people from practicing their faith.

"Doesn't he care about the First Amendment? Mr. Snape shook his head sadly. "I'm afraid not. And Voldemort is working through him and using them all. Before long: all our freedoms will be gone."

From our media partner EDGE


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